I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
