You're my little dorito
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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