i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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