All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
