so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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