careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
