who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
