I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
