This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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