I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
