felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect