I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
