Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
