I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
