Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
