apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
