How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i believe in u and ur pee
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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