You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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