wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dignity is for republicans.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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