I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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