Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
