i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
