Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize