I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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