I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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