After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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