my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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