let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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