last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
