Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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