you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
