His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
