I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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