I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
