I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
