ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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