I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize