His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
