I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
