Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
