Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
