I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
