You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
