it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
