I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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