I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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