Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
