I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
