420 ftw
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My penis needs a shock collar
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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