Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
