This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize