walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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