white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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