I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
