She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
