Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
