I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
