Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
