No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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