I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Randomize
