He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
