I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
