i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
