Pants 0. Shit 1.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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