It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
