YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
