i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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