i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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