Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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