As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just threw up on my dentist
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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