Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
