Umm I'm too high to move.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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