using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
