omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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