I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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